30 Days of Truth: Day 1 | Something You Hate About Yourself

Of all the prompts in the 30 Days of Truth challenge, this first one may actually be the most difficult for me. I wish it wasn't, but we're aiming for honesty here. And maybe this first one is the most important one then. Because I am my biggest critic and I shouldn't be.

If it were a bad day and I was asked to write a list of what I hate about myself, I'm afraid that list might be quite a bit longer than you would expect. My anxiety would be up near the top of that list, but I'd probably also include things like my shyness, my fears, silly mistakes I've made, my need for control, etc. If I was having an okay confidence day, I may just list my anxiety and leave it at that. But truthfully, the first scenario may be more common. And anxiety may be what's to blame, because it does eat away at me and make me even more critical. But I don't like simply blaming my anxiety for things and then just dismissing them by telling myself to learn to live with it. I'm frankly tired of using that mentality with myself and, in so doing, inevitably blocking my own growth.

So, I guess above all else, I hate how critical I am of myself. Being highly critical creates an infinite amount of self doubt. It keeps me from trying things from fear of failure. It allows for a false sense of entrapment to rule above everything else. It makes happiness a constant internal struggle.

Here's the thing, you don't have to have your life together at 22. You don't have to have your life together at 35. You don't have to ever have your life together. Because what else is life but messy? Whoever has everything together? Be okay with not knowing what is around the corner. You are allowed to make mistakes. It is perfectly okay to drop everything from time to time when you can't handle it anymore. You can start all over again just because you feel like it. You don't owe success or happiness to anyone but yourself, and you get to define what those mean to you.

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30 Days of Truth

I stumbled across Amber's blog Stages of Gold recently. This girl is so lovely and inspiring, be sure to check her blog out. I've decided to take on her writing prompt challenge 30 Days of Truth. It is, simply, 30 days worth of writing designed for the purpose of self reflection to approach complete honesty with yourself. I am taking on this task in the hopes that reflection on these topics will lead to self discovery, if not just better understanding of myself. If I am to complete this, in no way will it get done in 30 days. I will shoot for completing one prompt per week until completed, but they may end up spaced out even more than that. Join in with me if you'd like! Below I have included the full list of writing topics (you can also see them here) that I will update and link to each post as I complete them (you can also find them linked on the personal posts page).

Prompts:
Day 01 : Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 : Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 : Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 : Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 : Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 : Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 : Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 : Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 : Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 : Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 : Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 : Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 : A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 : A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 : Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 : Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 : A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 : Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 : What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 : Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 : (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 : Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 : Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 : Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 : The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 : Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 : What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 : What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 : Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 : A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

I am so excited to participate,  look for my answer to the first prompt tomorrow!
Read more about Stages of Gold's 30 Days of Truth here.

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Weekend Wears: Sunday Picnic

My outfit details shirt: H&M kitty skirt: H&M (not online) oxfords: UO a few years ago sun hat: Target a few years ago Will's outfit details shirt: Target (similar) shorts: Old Navy shoes: TOMS

Will and I went on a bit of a spontaneous little picnic yesterday. Once the idea popped into my head I was obsessed with it and planned on making a gourmet selection of quinoa salad and fresh fruit and veggies and cheese and wine. I pictured us on bikes, cruising about through the park. But when 5:00 arrived yesterday and we had been so busy all day, you know, relaxing (read blog work/reading and WoW playing) I wasn't much in the mood to make even a quinoa salad. Because we were both starving. But Will didn't want me to miss out on a picnic I had so badly wanted, so we hoped in the car, grabbed some super classy (but delicious, come on) Subway, and headed to the river. We parked in the park and walked around until we found a relatively (there were lots of people floating the river) quiet spot in the shade to eat. Our bike ride turned into a nice casual greenbelt stroll. We saw lots of cute pups, which made me feel guilty for leaving Pippin home, and it wasn't even too terribly hot! I mean, it was hot, but I didn't die :)

I'd like to start an outfit series, of sorts, here. I'll be sharing a peek at what I'm wearing when we're out doing things on the weekend. I may lure Will into the picture from time to time as well; because he's really adorable and likes to dress to match me. Everyone probably thinks we're gross. In addition I'll share with you where my pieces are from. This will be easy this first time because most of what I am wearing I acquired recently. But truthfully, I do not add new clothes to my wardrobe very often. I'm picky and only buy things that are a good deal and that I really love. I'm also the type to hold onto something special until it falls apart. Some items in my closet I have had since I was a freshman. . . in high school. Others have a great story behind them; you have been warned.

I am also entering H&M's 50 States of Style contest! Could you be so lovely and vote for me? If you have instagram you can like my picture here. You can also vote for me by finding my picture here, just scroll down until you see the sort by options then select State and then Idaho. Thanks, dear.

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Scrambled Egg Avocado Brunch Tacos

Am I the only one who eats eggs in tacos? Given the response I always get when I suggest them for a meal, I am starting to believe so. I've finally gotten Will on board with them, though, so I will be eating them alone no longer. Perhaps eggs and tacos seems like a strange combination at first, but breakfast burritos exist and huevos rancheros are delicious. Scrambled egg tacos are actually my favorite kind of taco. Well, aside from Pollo Rey's fish taco but you just can't compete with that. They are certainly my favorite tacos to make; they are so simple and quick.

Plus these have avocado on them as well. I truly believe avocados are a perfect food. You just can't go wrong with them. If you want to make something delicious put avocado in it. Or, you know, just eat one with a spoon. The avocado is certainly what makes these tacos perfect. And these tacos are all kinds of perfect; they are great for those days when you didn't eat breakfast, or at least not much of one, and you're now starving but it still seems too early for lunch. Eat these then. I know that I titled these Avocado Brunch Tacos. But don't let the name of these tacos limit you either; I would eat these anytime (and do). Ugh, so good.

Avocado Brunch Tacos, serves 2 / makes 4 tacos

4 corn tortillas
1/4 cup chopped red onion
1/4 cup chopped green bell pepper
2 whole eggs and 3 egg whites
1/2 cup spinach
1 avocado, sliced
1/2 cup black beans
2 tablespoons sour cream
2 tablespoons pico de gallo
salt, pepper, and garlic powder to taste
fresh lime and cilantro, to garnish

Directions: Put the chopped onions and green bell pepper in a pan with a bit of olive oil (or butter/margarine if you fancy) and cook over medium high heat, stirring often. You don't want to grill these brown and crunchy, just cook until soft and translucent. Beat the eggs and whites in a bowl and then pour in the pan over the onion and peppers. Season with a bit of salt, pepper, and garlic powder and cook the scrambled eggs until completely done. Warm the tortillas up a bit in a separate pan or pop them in the microwave for 10-15 seconds. Spread a thin layer of sour cream on each tortilla and build the tacos by layering black beans, avocado slices, spinach, and the cooked egg mixture. Top each taco with a scoop of pico de gallo and a bit of fresh cilantro. Squeeze a bit of lime over the top as well.

Enjoy, and ignore the comments about how weird you are for eating egg tacos. You know how good they are; everyone else is just missing out.

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Goals for August (and Further)

I've been feeling a little defeated lately (what else is new). I apologize if it seems like that is all I say lately; it seems a bit that way to me. But this time of year has always been rough for some reason. See, I wasn't kidding when I said I was ready for Fall. The last month of this season always seems so much longer for some reason. This is an attempt to get through this last month of summer and the coming months too, I suppose. Small goals are also a way for me to feel like I am making progress or change or just something, even if it is just something small. To combat my anxiety and stay sane. I want to make a habit of setting more small goals for myself, and as such I may be sharing some of them from time to time on here. After all, above anything else, I want this to be my space. I'm putting these goals here because maybe you're like me and need a little inspiration to keep moving forward. It's also a way to keep myself accountable.

A random old (favorite) picture, where I appear to have been sleeping on that dock for weeks. 

Goals for August (and Further):

1. Eat better. To feel better; it's pretty simple. Honestly, since I last posted about Revolt, I have not held myself to the high standard I had before. I haven't been eating very clean, I mean not terrible, but I can tell a huge difference. I'm feeling sluggish and bloated (gluten is most likely the culprit). I am returning to a better regime, starting today. I'll indulge in things from time to time, like a glass of wine or two, but I need to remember to eat clean and complete meals.

2. Yoga. DAILY. Even if it's just for five minutes right when I wake up. Nothing makes me feel as calm and collected as yoga does. And nothing makes me feel stronger. Don't make excuses to not get some in, I feel so much better if I do.

3. Run. For some reason I've decided to run a 9k with my mom and sister in September. I have no idea why. I hate running. I hate how much stress it puts on my body. Cardio wise, I could run forever, but my legs (knees) won't allow it. And I'd just much rather do ANY other form of exercise. But, for some reason, I think it will be good for me.

4. Figure out school. Return to school, even if it is just taking a few classes to begin. I need to challenge myself. Getting a degree would be so fulfilling and the only real next step for what I see ahead for myself right now. But I am afraid of returning, after the experience I had before. Talk out my doubts and my anxiety. Make plans.

5. Get outside. Take walks after the sun sets. Go for an early morning hike. Explore some place near the water, it will be cooler there. Stop using the heat as an excuse. Get outside, breathe, stay true to myself.

6. Get out in general. Go to all the cool, free events in this town. Find cheap shows I'm interested in (there is no lack of them in Boise) and actually go to them. Explore places that have changed from when I use to live here. Take Will to more of my favorite spots/places. Try (at least try) to be social.

7. Take more pictures. Of the dog. Of my walk. Of my love. Just document. And use those cool cameras I have. By the way, does anyone know where I can develop film without paying a shit ton for it?!

8. Keep reading. Reading is just a great escape for me. Luckily I have such great books to read at the moment that really let me lose myself in them. Don't loose this.

9. Draw just for fun. I'm not much of an artist, despite what people have told me, but there are some things I miss about drawing and painting and creating in general. Things never turn out as beautifully as I see them in my head, but I don't want that to stop me anymore. Draw just because. Find inspiration again.

10. Sleep more, enjoy mornings. I really enjoy mornings; the quiet calmness of everything. I don't so much like waking up in the mornings, though. Just get out of bed. Yes, when the alarm goes of. I know I feel so much better when I do.


Do you set small goals for yourself? Doing so and planning little everyday things seem to help me with my anxiety. I also recommend listening to this (First Listen of Typhoon's White Lighter) all day. At least that's what I'm doing; it's helping.

Also, the lovely Boise folk of the band Hollow Wood released a single today which is very much worth listening to. You can do so below and visit their site because they're that good.



Good tunes, good vibes, good thoughts, ya know?

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Summer Go Away: August Wishlist

blazer / scarf / hat / sweater / bangles / oxfords / pants / turntable

Now you may be thinking I am jumping the gun a bit here, with my very fall like wishlist, but I have a feeling that the only way I am going to make it through this last, long month or so of summer is to day dream constantly of colder days. Summer, you've gone on long enough for my liking. I'm so ready to be wrapped up in scarves and sweaters again. For crunchy autumn leaves and cool breezes. For pumpkin and cinnamon everything. Maybe if I start planning fall outfits now it will get here faster? Doubtful, but a girl can dream. And there is plenty of fall apparel to swoon over. I've wanted a blazer for years and have yet to add one to my wardrobe. This corduroy blazer from H&M is super cute. I'd love a few new fall/winter essentials in my wardrobe, like this cute slouchy beanie and this pretty scarf that has all the right colors. Oxfords and gold hues are fall favorites of mine, and new pants are a need. All my pants are getting pretty old and sad. That turntable is so cute, and not anything I see myself buying anytime soon, so I'll just continue to lust after it.

Are you still crazy about summer or are you dying for fall yet?

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Quinoa Garbanzo Burgers

I love a good burger. You know, just minus the meat. But really, it is a well known mission of mine to find and devour good veggie burgers. They are hard to find out in the real world; there are only a few places here in Boise that manage to make them well. Mostly I have resorted to making them at home but (given my limited culinary experience) they are hard to get just right. Recipes I have tried tend to be a little, um, mushy. As in nothing even closely resembling a patty. And they also can be a bit bland. Now, I have found a pretty damn good black bean burger recipe, but I had yet to successfully create a good quinoa patty.

Those days are over, friends. Because I decided to make a burger of my own. If recipes just aren't working out for you, I'd recommend taking this approach. Just wing it! It's so much fun to get creative in the kitchen. It is even more fun when that creativity is successful and delicious. I mean, the worst thing that could happen is that it doesn't turn out (again). Or you could always give my recipe a try! These burgers were so good, filling but light too and full of flavor. The patties formed perfectly and there was none of that 'refrigerate the mixture for such and such a time' nonsense either. I literally mixed these up and then grilled them. The best.

Quinoa Garbanzo Burgers, makes 4 large patties:

1/2 cup uncooked quinoa
1 cup vegetable broth
1/2 cup garbanzo beans
1 egg, beaten
1/2 cup spinach, chopped
1/4 cup sweet onion, finely chopped
2 cloves of garlic, minced
1/4 cup Parmesan cheese
1/2 cup GF oats, blended (you could also use breadcrumbs)
Salt, pepper, and Italian seasoning to taste

Toppings-
1/4 red onion, thinly sliced
4 large mushrooms, thinly sliced
1/2 tablespoon balsamic vinegar
Romaine lettuce
Mayo and Dijon mustard
Thin slices of mozzarella cheese

Directions: Cook the quinoa in the vegetable broth and set aside. In a large bowl, use the back of a fork to mash the garbanzo beans into a paste. Mix in the chopped spinach, onion, and garlic. Thoroughly combine this mixture with the cooked quinoa (which should be a little cooler by now). Add the salt, pepper, Italian seasoning and Parmesan cheese, combining thoroughly. In a blender or food processor, pulse half a cup of oats into a grainy powder. I use this instead of breadcrumbs, as I prefer the taste, but breadcrumbs should be just fine to use. Add this powder and a beaten egg to the mixture. On a griddle, heat up a thin layer of olive oil over medium high heat. Form patties in your hand and place on the heated oil. Cook each side thoroughly, at least five minutes, before flipping or you'll end up with a broken patty. Cook both sides until golden brown.

Toppings, if desired: Lightly grill thin slices of mushrooms and onions in a pan with olive oil over medium heat. Once slightly tender, add 1/2 tablespoon balsamic vinegar to the pan and cook for another minute or two. Layer your quinoa garbanzo burgers, on (gluten free) bread or buns, over thin slices of mozzarella cheese and top with the onions and mushrooms. Finish with a leaf of romaine lettuce and a spread of mayo and Dijon mustard.

These are also delicious just wrapped up in a big leaf of romaine lettuce or simply eaten alone. Enjoy!

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